Cleaning Tips and Tipples: Five Minute Cleaning

She’s only smiling because she’s high on the fumes from the oven cleaner.

Sometimes I don’t have the time, energy or desire to completely clean the house from top to bottom. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t do a few quick things that will make me feel better about my surroundings. I usually find that if I spend 5 minutes on a small task, I feel much better and less lazy/tired/sloth-like. Here are a few cleaning tasks that only take 5 minutes, but make you feel a million times better about your home.

1. Sweep the floor in the front porch. I find during the fall season, every time I open the door, a few leaves blow in. So take a few minutes and sweep them out. And if you are in the front porch, open the door and clean the broom. I usually whack it against the porch pailings, which gets it free of schmootz  that tends to accumulate between the bristles.

2. Swipe down the bathroom. Give the mirror a spritz and shine. I then use the same damp, cleaner filled paper towels to quickly wipe out the sink. Give the toilet bowl a swirl with the brush, and replace the towels. This is usually more than sufficient between weekly cleanings, especially if you have guests show up unexpectedly. If this is too much, just get the toothpaste blobs out of the sink. They tend to stare at me, mockingly, until I run the hot water and rub them away. Take that, you little bastards!

3. Change the garbage. Takes a few minutes and helps to make the house smell nicer. And if you can’t close the lid or have to split a fucking atom to add another tissue to the pile without it creating an avalanche of garbage on the kitchen floor, this is usually a hint that you should have changed the garbage about 3 days ago. Do it now.

He who tops it, drops it!

So these are 3 quick, five minute things that you can do to make you feel more productive and together. This calls for a cocktail! A lazy cocktail!

Screwdriver:

Pour some vodka in a glass with ice. Top with orange juice. If you are out of orange juice, just add more vodka. But then you can’t use the excuse that you came down with a case of 24-hour scurvy when you get caught drinking at 11:30am. But if you have another drink, you won’t care anymore. Awesome!

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